I’ve been quiet on here recently, aside from Riley’s Monthly updates. Which – thank goodness for those. I’ll be so thankful to have all those little detailed memories to look back on.
I know I’ve talked about it a few times, but fashion. Ugh. SO not my thing. But in my quest to find my new balance between wife/mom/self I’m learning that “me time” is a big part of the matrix. I’ve been working out 2 times a week with a trainer, and I’m starting to see some of my old self come back. Not just the physical – but who I was as an athlete. The familiar muscle soreness is like an old friend – creepy, no?
In the trenches of parenting tiny humans I feel like we loose ourselves a little. Sometimes out of the sheer need for survival. There needs to be less about me, so I can be there more for him. Does that make sense? I wrote once that we’re like a pie (yum. pie) and there’s only so much of us to go around, so each slice will get bigger or smaller to make up for the pieces that are taking up more real estate. My Mom slice it real big right now, and my Me slice is smaller. Which is ok, I know it’s for a season. But, I’m finding that when I invest in myself and my Me slice – all of my other slices seem to fit better in the pie. I’m a more attentive and present Mama when I spend just a little time on myself. A trip to Target solo is like a vacation, amiright!? When I’m a little selfish I find that I have a fresh attitude toward my roles of Wife and Mama.
I’m almost a full year postpartum and I’m still learning how to be comfortable in my new body. After pregnancy and labor and nursing (still) my body has given so much. And I’m grateful, and so thankful to be strong and healthy. My size and shape is totally different and I’m learning how to love all of me. Stretch marks and Mama tummy included.
So – I wanna be a cute Mom. You know, the Mom at the park that has just enough style that she looks pulled together, but still relaxed and casual. As I’ve mentioned I hate shopping almost as much as I hate spending money…those two don’t fit well together. Oops. But I’m so tired of looking tired and feeling less than great about myself. I’ve made attempts to improve my “look” but I’m going to make it a priority now. It’s not just about looking cute though. I’ve always heard the phrase, “don’t dress for the job you have – dress for the job you want.” And it hit me. I’m dressing like a Mama that’s frazzled and doesn’t make time for herself. I’m not that Mama, at least – I don’t want to be. I want to feel great about myself so I feel great about life and living, and adventures and crawling around in the sand at the park with Riley.
So Riley and I went on an adventure last week to find me a new Swim Suit – a story for another day. But we wandered into Anthropologie. Because happy. It must be the way they make that store smell, or the lighting, or the displays. But I feel at home and relaxed there. Then I see the price tags. Uhhh. But, you know what? I’m an adult. I should be ok with buying nicer clothing that’s of good quality and fits me well. I fell better in clothing that’s made of nice fabric, and since I wear my clothes into the ground I should be investing. Not just buying.
So I put on my big girl pants (literally) and found some new clothes.
Are all my problems solved? Am I the perfect Mama? Ha! No. Not even close.
But, I’m almost giddy about getting dressed – and even, gasp…doing my hair AND make up. Who am I? I’m a Mama trying to take care of herself so she can take better care of her family. Simple.