Sucker-punch to the Lymph-nodes

It’s been and up and down day. 

I may have mentioned a while back that I was having some issues with an enlarged lymph node. Well, today I saw the ENT doctor (ear, nose, and throat) and he gave me the results of my CAT Scan. It wasn’t what I was expecting. It was a sucker-punch. 

I canceled the follow up appointment last week because I was swamped and didn’t want to drive all the way to Fullerton. The Harmon was the one that prompted me to go and take care of it…citing that I deserved “peace of mind before Christmas.” The office wouldn’t give me the results over the phone, so I drove down to OC today. I grabbed a Peet’s latte while I waited and expected an “everything was clean, have a Merry Christmas” speech from the Doctor. I was wrong. 

I’m not one to downplay the advice of doctors. I’ve seen several of them in the last year…ah, bionic ankle. But, for this issue the doctor was certain my nodes were enlarged because I was sick and there would be nothing for the CAT scan to detect by they time I had it. Not so much. 

My nodes are still enlarged. To the size of 2.8mm. The “normal, we don’t need to worry about it” size it 1.5mm. He showed me the scan…it was creepy. I have two silver dollars on either side of my throat. But, you can’t feel them. Which is even more creepy.

He want’s to operate and remove them since they are so large, but he’s hesitant. He doesn’t want to “slice open a pretty young lady.” Psh, dude have you seen my bionic ankle? We agreed to take this process slow, but I think he doesn’t want to scare me while I start googling the “C” word. My blood test results are normal, and I don’t have any strange symptoms. 

So, I’ll get ANOTHER ultrasound after the holidays and we’ll go from there. Merry Christmas to me! Maybe I’ll get a NEW set of scars for my 26th birthday…then maybe a neck tat to make it awesome. 

I’m not taking this lightly, but I’m not taking it heavily either. I don’t want to freak out and worry my grumpy pants off all through the holidays. I already cried when I told Momma-son…and pretty much the whole drive to work. I’m done. No more tears. I could use some more hugs though. 

Which brings me to the UP part of today. Hugs. 

The Harmon has been very supportive of this whole node situation. So he inquired about my results when I returned to the office today. I was running around so I sent him a text with the verdict. He met me outside as I was walking into the building and gave me a hug. How many bosses give you a hug when you get shitty news from the doctor? Mine does. 

I wasn’t able to get a hug from Momma-son today, or Manfriend (yet) but the Harmon gave me one when I needed it. 

That makes me think about everything I have to be thankful for. I was a little late to the party for “Thankful Thanksgiving” so I’m going to get on board, now. 

Things I’m Thankful For:

My Health – Yes, even now when I don’t know what it’s doing. I realized over the past year with my numerous doctor visits and surgeries that I was lucky. I didn’t fall and land in a coma. I wasn’t in a horrible car crash. I didn’t have cancer. I had a bionic ankle. I would be ok. And I still WILL be ok. 

People that Love me – Momma-son, Papa, Little Brother, Manfriend, my “Family” of friends, Gurlfriends. I have love and support all over the place. 

Community – The show provided me a job, a boss, and a chance to get my life back with my bionic ankle. The Harmon hired me on crutches and changed my life for the better. 

Faith – I can’t see the wind, but I know it’s there by the effects is causes. That’s faith. I can’t see what’s going on in my body, I don’t know what the outcome will be. But I have faith that it’s going to be ok. I’ve always lived by the idea that what’s meant to be will happen when it’s the right time. I don’t think we live life by chance. There’s a bigger purpose, and a much bigger meaning to it all. It’s perfect timing, for the right time. 

Future – Growing up I was so fearful of the future and the unknown. I didn’t like not knowing where I would be and what to expect. I’ve learned to love the future and enjoy the ride…bionic ankel included. 

Here’s to the ride, and wherever it’s taking me.