4/100

So, I’m gonna get a little Christian here. In the past few weeks I’ve felt a little off. Happy and thankful, but still a little off. Every morning it would cross my mind that I should probably read my Bible. We should probably plan to go to Church this weekend. Did I pray today?

I love doing the She Reads Truth plan. So much that we donated toward this!

Our lives are a little crazy – come on, who’s life isn’t these days? I’m really trying to focus and be intentional with my time, our money, and how I parent. So this week I decided that I’m going to make a clear goal – to read my Bible for 100 days. It’s day 4 and I already feel more at peace. Funny how that works.

Friday’s is when the SRT community shares their own writings on the study for the day.

Today is Joshua 1: 8-9.

Now, full and total honesty. I am NOT a Bible scholar, I don’t have a theology degree. The only Bible classes I took in college were of the “religion” type. I’m not super well-read, I don’t know how to pull in analogies to break down scripture. I’m ill-equipped in the truest sense. But, that’s not the point. It’s about learning. Moving forward from the point I’m at. You might be at a different point. Cool? Cool.

So. Here I go.

Old Testament style. Book of the Law. Heavy, no? A lot of people get ruffled when you bring up the Bible. It’s just a bunch of stories about things you should and shouldn’t do. The 10 Commandments is just a boring list of “no.” Sure. I get it. I’m a rule-follower. Blame my Type A personality. I like to color in the lines and obey traffic laws. I patiently wait in line for my turn because I know that I’ll eventually make my way to the front – because that’s how following the rules works. If you follow them, everyone gets a turn.

Meditate. Hm. Do my prayers still count if I’m constantly falling down rabbit holes about laundry and bills and work emails? Day AND Night? Hm. I will admit that some of my strongest prayers have come in the deepest of night. When Riley wakes up at 3am and is fighting his teeth. I’ll fumble down the stairs and into his room and hold him and pray. Sometimes out loud. Sometimes to myself. I’ll pray for him, over his room, for the safety of our home. When Kelly kisses me goodbye before leaving for work at all hours of the morning I’ll pray. Mostly for his safety as he’s driving into the early morning when the bars are letting out and the roads are unsafe. I’ll wake in the middle of the night when I hear the baby monitor crack and I’ll lay there counting my blessings. How thankful I am for this life.

To do according to all that is written in it. Big ask there. I can’t just pick the fluffy parts? You mean I have to be good to my neighbor and sell all my stuff and take care of the poor? I’ve been wrestling with that one lately. Stuff. How we have so much, and others have so little. I’m trying to be careful to do. I really am. I’m sort of a mess in my heart these days. I blame the books I’ve been reading…oh, the books. Reading makes you think. I’ll have to share my reading stack soon.

Commanded to be strong and courageous. Oh. Commanded. Like – that’s a serious order. None of this frightened and wishy-washy business. STRONG and COURAGEOUS. That’s boldness and confidence. That’s stepping out in faith knowing that no matter what you won’t fall because you’ve got a safety net. Still. It’s SO hard. Why is that the biggest hold back – the first step out? In my heart I’m all “yea, let’s do this – let’s live life fully and crazy and totally dedicated to passion” but my little Type A brain is going “excuse me, you’re doing what now? you have to think this through. weigh the pros and cons.” The never ending battle between head and heart will continue on. But I hope as I grow the heart voice gets louder and stronger and more courageous. Wherever I go. Wherever you go. I don’t think life’s pointless and random, but I do think we have to be intentional. We’re given unique situations and special opportunities to do life where we are. That’s been on my mind the past few days. Blooming where I’m planted. I’m in this moment of my life only once. I’ll never get to be in this season again. I need to be strong and courageous. I have to. Come on heart voice – speak up! I’m trying to hear you over my head.